Pause and pondr
How did Covid-19 upend our ability to mourn?
In this guide, we reflect on how the pandemic disrupted our traditions of laying our loved ones to rest, as well as our grieving process — and offer resources to help navigate what some say could be an impending grief crisis.
DID YOU KNOW?
A March 2021 poll from the Associated Press–NORC Center for Public Affairs Research found that about 1 in 5 people, or 20% surveyed in the U.S., had lost a relative or close friend to Covid-19.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN
Actively reflect on loss, especially as it impacts professional life
Attend to the complex processes involved in grieving
Consider the emotional needs of those who are facing loss
How have people been affected by loss in the pandemic?
During the pandemic, the inability to memorialize the death of our loved ones as we normally do has been an increasingly painful challenge for many families in the U.S. and around the world. Some of us may have had to alter or postpone honoring our dead, and that may be affecting us in ways that we’ve never imagined. Many of us have had to navigate work or family obligations while adhering to social distancing measures that added to our sense of social isolation.
Ashton Verdery, an associate professor of sociology, demography and social data analytics at Penn State University, and his colleagues estimate that every person who dies from Covid-19 in the U.S. leaves behind nine grievers. With nearly 1 million Covid-19 U.S. deaths as of April 2022, that could leave over 9 million people grieving in this country alone.
Isolation has only exacerbated grief. And some experts warn that we need to pay attention to the mental health toll since it began, pointing to an imminent “grief crisis” that includes the possibility of individuals succumbing to prolonged grief — grief that lasts several months or years after a loss.
How have families been coping?
‘People are struggling,” says Dr. John Canine, a Michigan-based psychologist and grief counselor. “They haven’t had the funeral, told the stories, haven’t expressed love publicly to the person.” For workers, it was especially difficult to mourn without seeing many of their friends or family in person — and yet at the same time, to carry on with their work commitments, only days or weeks after a death in the family, with coworkers who likely are not aware of the full extent of their grief.
Social media memorials offer a temporary fix, but Canine said the traditional American funeral is a rite of passage that many missed during this public health crisis.
Jimmy Olson, 25-year veteran funeral director and owner of Olson Funeral Home and Cremation Service in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, has held services of fewer than 10 members of the immediate families only. “They were allowed to come graveside, or to the crematory, so that they could be a part of the immediate disposition,” he says. But without the expected rituals of the funeral, many chose to postpone a memorial or celebration of life.
“Covid definitely threw our rulebook out the window,” Olson says.
One client of Olson’s lost her husband in March 2020. She planned to have a larger memorial in May, but that was pushed to that August. “By then, we were still in shutdown,” said Olson, so the widow pushed the memorial to spring. “In February (2021), she called and said, ‘I just can’t do this anymore. I tried to do this three times, and I’m done grieving, I can’t do it again.’”
Even if you haven’t lost a loved one due to Covid-19 or been involved in the front-line work of the medical field, you could still be experiencing a form of grief, according to Dr. Brandy Schillace, author of Death’s Summer Coat: What the History of Death and Dying Teaches Us About Life and Living. “We all have this illusion that you could plan for the future, that you knew what you were doing next Tuesday, that you were going to see your parents over the holidays,” she says. “And suddenly that has been taken away, and you realize how precarious all of our lives actually are.”
Where can people turn to for their grief?
It’s important to rely on resources. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention offers tools for dealing with death and loss from Covid-19, including non-death-related losses, such as the loss of a job or changes to your lifestyle. Connecting with others virtually, leaning on trusted community leaders and friends, seeking out a mental health professional, planting a tree, or creating a special meal in honor of your loved one are all ways the CDC recommends coping with grief.
The Red Cross also offers virtual family assistance, which includes scheduled telephone calls for mental health help for adults and children, plus behavioral and spiritual assistance.
The Funeral Service Foundation in collaboration with the National Funeral Directors Association and RememberingALife.com created a detailed grief guide, including tips for supporting your health, planning a memorial, or dealing with the unique grief that comes with the inability to see or be near your loved one before they died.
Pondr This
Who or what helps you during challenging times?
Have there ever been times in your life where you felt like you could not properly grieve?
How can you help those feeling grief, either because of the death of a loved one or a non-death-related loss?
FOR LEADERS
There is nothing more universal than coping with loss, and yet many of us are uncomfortable thinking and talking about it. What makes grief and loss such a difficult topic?
In what ways have you dealt with grief directly–in your own life, in the lives of friends or coworkers?
What are some ways in which we can honor our varied experiences with grief and loss in the workplace?
Explore The Stories
GRIEF AND LOSS: A toolkit
Pandemic stress daunting for health professionals
Reflections from doctor who treated patient one in U.S.
Topic in Review
We took a look at the mental toll that the pandemic is taking on millions of people and the potential lasting consequences. Grief can come in many forms — resulting from a death of a family member or friend, or a non-death-related loss like getting laid off from a job or going through a lifestyle change. With some mental health experts warning of an impending grief crisis, we offered some resources to help you or a loved one experiencing loss.
But another aspect of the story is the large number of children who have been coping with loss. Researchers at Harvard University who have been following children ages 7 to 15 found that two-thirds of them have had significant symptoms of anxiety and depression, and they also reported hyperactivity and inattention, between November 2020 and January 2021. Children who had a family member hospitalized or dying from Covid had more symptoms.
The uncertainty and stresses from the pandemic took a toll on children. The Wall Street Journal reported that the number of mental health related ER visits for 5- to 11-year-olds rose by 24% and by 31% for 12- to 17-year-olds, according to CDC data.
The Child Mind Institute has a guide to getting good care for children — and the organization Good Grief has additional resources for families navigating grief around the pandemic. Also UNICEF also published helpful tips on how parents can support their kids.
Some parents may want to seek additional help from a pediatrician, mental health professional, social worker, clergy or a guidance counselor. The American Academy of Pediatrics offers advice on when to seek additional help, and has some resources for children after a loved one passes.